My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
