Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
