I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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