great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
