my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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