how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
