Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
