$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
