I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
