why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
