Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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