I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need a beard to bite.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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