you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
