kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
