I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
