dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are a genius and a whore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
