why didn't you poke me back
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
