So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize