neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
