We named our party play list daddy issues
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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