If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
