i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
