Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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