HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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