It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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