those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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