some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
