I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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