You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
