I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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