wakey wakey hands off snakey
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
