well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
