so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
