On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
