Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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