I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
