If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My life is pants optional.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
