gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
