one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
