Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
