Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
