I want to have your abortion
I want to make a zoo with you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
