You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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