if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
