now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
