Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
