i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
