is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
