I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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