dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
