I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
