just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
