Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
