Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
