With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
