Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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