Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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