Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
