He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
