No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
