do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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