one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
