I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
