Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
