Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
