the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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