today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
