i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
two words: eviction party
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
