Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't turn off my feet"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
