I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
