Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
