if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
only you would photoshop your dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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