I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
