Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
